Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
