Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
