the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
