real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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