with your own penis?
My first STD was from a foam party
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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