so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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