Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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