Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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