Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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