I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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