Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Found your dick twin last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
