Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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