i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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