Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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