so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
