If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
