Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
