omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
