So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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