be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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