As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
