there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
