to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
