My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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