True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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