you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
