you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
