She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
