i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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