Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
