carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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