I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like eating out sand paper
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
