And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
