I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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