I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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