It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize