I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
