My hand turned me down
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
