my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My vagina is officially offended.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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