my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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