It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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