i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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