I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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