she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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