like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I stole a fireplace last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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