Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
