I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
