porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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