So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize