Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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