no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
