If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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