I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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