Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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