i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize