how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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