hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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