apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
