i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize