Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
