btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
