Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
