My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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