look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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