Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
