I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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