i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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