sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize