I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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