I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
