my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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