Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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