I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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