Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
