Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
