Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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