Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
