There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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