there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
