Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
