sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize