I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
