That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
