You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
