When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
