You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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