I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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