He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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