People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
