u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
