If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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