my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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