I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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