Jerry, you need to find god
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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