I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Couch. On fire.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
