this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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