plz talk dirty to me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
