What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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