he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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