I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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