I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can I color on your dick again?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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