nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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