She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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