So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
