I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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