why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
